Your lack of loneliness depends on someone else. Sometimes I couldn’t travel for too long or too deeply in some of the relationships, but it was still all worth exploring another world of somebody, mine and ours. There was nothing right or wrong about it, but every single moment of those trips was just beautiful and special. It is really up to our decision if we lose somebody after a break-up or not. It is a life-changing decision to promise such commitment with somebody. But more importantly, I realized all the painful meanings attached to the end of a relationship are mainly due to my obsession with the results of a relationship. “The purpose of a relationship is to live within and maintain the social structures, i.e., get married and have kids.”, People with this purpose in mind are the ones who get very anxious about “defining” the relationship so that they know “what this is” and “where we’re going.”, “The purpose of a relationship is to find your better half; the person that ‘completes’ you; your ‘everything.’”. In reality, I’ve actually gained something every time, the world I’ve created together with somebody. If a relationship doesn’t turn into a marriage, is it a failure? It’s making sure that we’re taking responsibility for our emotional needs and wellbeing — and then, investing in theirs. “I just don’t want to be lonely” or “I’m terrified of dying alone.”. Your happiness depends on someone else.Your security depends on someone else.Your sexual satisfaction depends on someone else.Your “life purpose” depends on someone else.Your “completeness” as a person depends on someone else. A marriage gives some sense of stability and security in a relationship, but it doesn’t mean that it would magically work out itself without any efforts. Treating other human beings like living and breathing security blankets. The only person you have full control over is yourself. And what happens when shit goes down? Do I honestly believe that there is no value I can find from it? Because what better way to make ourselves better than “using” — or “through the lens of” — someone else? “The purpose of a relationship is to live within and maintain the social structures, i.e., get married and have kids.” People with this purpose in mind are the ones who get very anxious about… Obviously growing fear and anxiety are not a sign of a working relationship, and, in hindsight, they have stopped me from being fully present and loving the other person in a relationship, not to mention fully enjoying a relationship. Yes, the imaginary expectations I have about our future together. Whether in a marriage or not, the ideal purpose of a relationship I believe is to love, to have fun/joy and to grow, not just physically but of course mentally and spiritually as well. You either succeed in getting married or not. Is this enough of a purpose? It is meditation in motion. Accepting your partner with his/her … I’m not sure. When a romantic relationship comes to an end, it means that we won’t share the world to the same intensity as before. I’ve always worked hard to achieve it, so isn’t it only fair of life to reward me as much as my efforts? If I think about all my past relationships from this new perspectives of a relationship, it has never been a failure, but a beautiful journey of exploring the new world. But there were definitely more reasons that that. Do other people just magically meet a life partner they have been looking for around “the right time” to get married!? Is it just to get married and settled with somebody before I become too old? But have I ever “had” that person in my life? We work on a relationship not to get married, but to make it “work”. I know it doesn’t sound right to view a relationship from the perspective of success or failure, but isn’t a sense of a failure honestly what we all feel about a break-up to some extent? Of course, it is painful to lose somebody who used to be significant in my life as well as the part of me I shared with him. The short answer: it really depends on who you ask, and what your overall “life” mindset is. What if the purpose of your relationship was something unconditional and something that you could take responsibility for? Obviously, a relationship is one of the important areas where I want to achieve a success in my life. I wish he was the right one for me to spend the rest of my life with so that I avoid all the hassles and heart-breaking experience of a relationship. Obviously, it was in part because (I thought) I loved him and wanted to be with him. Also, if the purpose of a relationship is to achieve certain outcomes like settling or getting married, the indicator which tells you whether a relationship is successful or not is really simple. Isn’t it unquestionable that we lose them when a relationship is over? How about a sense of loss which I believe is at the core of all the sufferings and pains caused by a break-up? There are thousands of couples having unhappy marriages and getting divorced because they idly believe they don’t need to work on a relationship anymore. However, it would be quite silly to believe that a marriage itself will be an end of a relationship. Also, the end of a relationship has felt like a failure every time. From some point of my life, whenever I mention I am seeing somebody, the most often question I get asked is if we have a plan for the future, which usually means a marriage. I wanted to finally settle and have no more break-up. As I approach what’s considered “the right time” to get married in my culture, people start to ask me “my plan to get married” all the time.