The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. A man sees the post and goes in to ask the bartender about it. The bartender pours and serves the man a shot. As soon as he'. "Rough day?" Glenfarclas unveils 60YO single malt. An Englishman a Scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar. We have no money. Nothing gets a good laugh better than a well-placed one-liner—and we could all use a little laughter during trying times. I tried to make a 'fancy' sauce last night at dinner, I mixed vodka, gravy and nitrous oxide, sadly, all I managed was make myself an Absolut laughing stock! ", The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here.". Recovering, the customer says: But distill hasn't found what he's looking for. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka first and then looked for the goat. So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. Read on for 13 of her funniest and toughest one-liners about telling the truth, showing respect, and why she is always the boss. Rough day?". So she gets a divorce. He keeps doing this until one day the Bartender there is Russian and the Russian man orders his vodka and the bartender comes back with a glass of water, The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" 1. One guy asks for a pint and the other a vodka and coke. The bartender pours and serves another shot. Whats up with this jar of money?”, The bartender brings the drinks, raises an eyebrow and empathetically asks, "What up, man. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. In Russia we only had two TV channels. ", “A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for vodka, decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. The challenges are simple. The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted. It seems a gentleman had too many vodka shots at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. I just found out I'm colorblind. Famous One Liner Jokes. I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long. The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka." The man drinks it just as quickly as the first, and orders another shot. Russians will consume marinated mushrooms and vodka, salted herring and vodka, smoked salmon and vodka, salami and vodka, caviar on brown bread and vodka, pickled cucumbers and vodka, cold tongue and vodka, red beet salad and vodka, scallions and vodka… anything and everything and vodka. There is a three year waiting list. as he lept in the air. Bewildered and in awe at a talking bear in his bar, the bartender finally spits out, "Uh, yeah. ", “Last night I bought two bottles of vodka, and today there is only one left. The bartender says, "Six shots? I searched and found this one only posted once and I think the punchline lacked compared to the way my Russian processor told it. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. 21 Red Label Vodka, 1.75 L, 80 Proof 4.8 out of 5 stars 90 #32. The Monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. So there was a horse, and this horse was really talented. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road.". Suddenly, his driver hits a pig near a small village and stops the car. He practised this cover really hard, eventually becoming inspired to create a cover of a whole Jimi H, Girl: “My new teacher doesn’t know shit about math, science, or English. In the midst of the Cold War, the CIA sends its best spy into Russia. A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. "See," the militia man says, "you're drunk.". And there are disgusting flies all over the room. The bartender holds up his finger for the man to wait a minute and yells into the back room, “Hey Tiffany, someone is here looking for you!”, A militia man pulls them over and makes the man take a breathalyzer test. A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. The bar tender shakes his head no and says "Just eat the apple. Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."